A Mother’s Faith
Tatiana and Anastasia: A Mother’s Faith
“Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see”.
- William Newton Clark
“I was born for them — not them for me,” states Claudia Dogaru, mother of Tatiana and Anastasia, Italian/Romania conjoined twins.
“I believe there is a reason for everything, and if God has sent them to me, there is a purpose. I think they have their own purpose, too, and I’m pretty sure they have already changed some opinions and brought some perspective to others. If one life if changed to God, it is good.”
In addition to her fiery, red hair and soulful eyes, what strikes you first about Claudia Dogaru is her quiet resolve. After months of waiting and waiting to hear whether doctors feel confident enough to attempt the separation of her twin girls here in Dallas, she resonates with a sincere peace about the process. “I had handed over to God, and that is all I can do,” she says.
Two years ago, Claudia gave birth to Tatiana and Anastasia. Doctors had informed them that the girls were joined at the head when she was pregnant, but they did not know the extent of the attachment, and they could not even begin to anticipate the journey before them. They were born pre-maturely in the Rome, Italy hospital. The Dogarus had moved to Italy after Father Alin Dogaru, a Catholic priest and Claudia’s husband, had been transferred from Romania. Though their families strongly counseled against it, the couple was determined to carry the girls to term. They remained in neo-natal intensive care for almost three months, with Claudia visiting constantly, pumping breast milk to feed her girls.
However, she did not pick them up or hold her babies until they were three months old, because she was so scared and saw them as so fragile. Her husband, their father, was the first one of the two them to hold them to his breast. They needed special instructions on everything — on how to turn them over, to move them and to hold them. Nothing came naturally or easily.
After weeks of waiting on the decision of the Italian doctors regarding the possibility of separation, they were told it was not possible, and they were sent home from the extended care facility where they were residing. Claudia felt resigned to cherishing every remaining moment she had with her daughters. “Then, I heard a news flash about Mohamed and Ahmed Ibrahim, the Egyptian twins separated in Dallas,” she remembers. Soon after, Alin’s sister in Canada found Dr. Kenneth Salyer on the Internet.
“Finally, there was a breath of hope – all was not lost,” professed Claudia. “But how would we do it? How would we ever afford a trip to Dallas. Would they take along our five-year-old daughter Maria? Thank goodness Dr. Salyer referred us to the World Craniofacial Foundation to help.”
“When I first met Dr. Salyer, I could not express myself in English. I could understand him, but he could not understand me. I had been around doctors – working as nurse in hospitals. Some do not even look at you. They do not even see you.”
“The first time I met him I was very nervous. But he made me feel comfortable right away. He gave me a big hug,” she explained – her voice cracking with emotion, “He was more like my father than a surgeon. And he had warmth in his eyes. I could see how much he really cared about the girls. Usually, doctors do not put their souls, their very souls in every child. It’s like he’s giving away part of his very being. His genuine care for welfare of the girls touched me very much. He never said, ‘I cannot do it.’ He always gave me hope. He’s just a wonderful man. I thank God every day. That first meeting – they all have been good, but the first meeting just touched me so much.”
“And now, as we are moving closer to the separation, he is so thorough. He is always there with us and tells us exactly what is going on,” shares Claudia. “I have never seen a doctor who puts so much heart into what he is doing.” And Alin adds, “They usually put a wall, so they are not vulnerable, but he I just like part of the family.”
The Dogarus marvel at Dr. Salyer’s surgical expertise, as well as his political and persuasive savvy. The reality of craniofacial treatment is that just one person cannot do it. The process requires the highest caliber craniofacial team. Successful management of craniofacial patients demands a coordinated team approach to meet the varied medical needs of these patients. A full roster of medical specialists have independent and vital roles in planning and carrying out our patients’ treatment plans, the craniofacial surgeon, the pediatric neurosurgeon, the pediatric anesthesiologist, the neuro-radiologist, the pediatric intensivist, the neuro and pediatric ophthalmologist, the otolaryngologist, the orthodontist, the psychologist, pediatric nurses, speech pathologists, geneticists, orthotist, anthropologists, pedodontists and social workers.
Due to the depth and complexity of their connection, some key members of the team Dr. Salyer is assembling for the girls have had doubts and concerns about the risks. As of this writing, Dr. Salyer has convinced the current team to move forward; however, it has not been easy.
There is no denying the enormous risks involved, including loss of one of the girls, death of both or even severe brain damage. But the Dogarus are willing to live with results – whatever they may be. They know that Dr. Salyer is a brilliant surgeon, but more important, they believe the fate of their girls is in God’s hands. “I just want him to do his best, “ says Claudia. “If it does not work out, I will hold nothing against him, because he tried to do it, be he does not have all the control.”
“I do not want to lose both of them, that is true,” says Claudia. “But I cannot just sit and wait to see what happens. I must do something. If I don’t, I’m condemning them, and I could not bear that. They are so full of life and playfulness, and think they will always be happy. They are getting stronger every day and forming their separate personalities.”
Claudia says she treats them as normal children and they apparently behave as such – fighting over toys, each wanting the same thing, screaming when they do not get what they want, or each trying to get a view of the television. They occasionally try pushing each other away – of course, without success. When they do take a tumble, it is clear that they have both learned the ways to fall to protect themselves and their respective sister from harm. It is fascinating to observe the degree to which these typically feisty two-year-girls have adapted to their situations — often struggling against their mutual confinement, but continuing to develop distinctive, unfettered personalities. “Anastasia is bossy and pushes the two along, and Tatiana usually goes along with her. Of course, she really has no other choice. Anastasia is facing out and feels more in command of her world.”
Now, the dynamic is changing somewhat. Tatiana has recently mastered walking – especially significant, since Tatiana, who faces the floor as a result of the angle of her attachment in the back of Anastasia’s head, is typically dragged by Anastasia, the stronger willed sister. In addition, they no longer require a specially configured wagon to move around or even a walker. They are both mobile on their own. – cruising on furniture and walls just like all early walkers. These are enormous accomplishments for these girls and appear to continuously validate the parents’ belief in their remarkable little girls.
Discipline, however, is its own challenge. Given that a parent of two willful sisters might need to put some space between two fighting girls, this is obviously not a viable alternative for Claudia. “Ironically, Tatiana is the more difficult one to control. Anastasia, who faces forward most of the time, responds to a verbal command, such as ‘no,’ but Tatiana is far more stubborn, uncooperative and slow to respond,” explains Claudia. Hidden behind her sister since birth and at her mercy in terms of movement, she has developed more sneaky was of avoiding discipline – primarily by taunting and testing her parents’ authority mercilessly. “At first I thought it would be Anastasia, but now I think Tatiana will be a problem in the future,” Claudia chuckles.
